To avoid getting into the intricacies of my personal story, I’ll be brief and say that life has not always been very kind to me. The challenge of having a son with personality disorders brought me to put on many faces for many years. But today, with the right help, and despite everything, this situation can prove to be very revelatory to help me understand just how I deal with hardship.
I recently had the opportunity to meet one-on-one with a counsellor at L’Accolade in Châteauguay. After the meeting, during a moment of introspection encouraged in our discussion, I realized the extent to which, deep down inside, I give myself free rein to rebel against my own pain; the extent to which I lash out against myself for feeling so dejected, so vulnerable; and the extent to which this image of myself is making me suffer!
Taking this mental exercise further, I began to picture a raging dog on a short leash, thrashing about, barking, pawing at the ground in the corner of the backyard. This image is what I would equate to my own internal tension.
My ego cries out, defies me, compels me to be impassive, detached, cool as a cucumber. It’s a lot to ask, especially for someone who is just a mom!
I have two choices: I can keep foaming at the mouth, shaking my chain, powerless. Or I can break the chain and seek out freedom. I can take my situation into my own hands to find balance and invite peace into my life. It’ll come, if I’m patient.
I want to thank the counsellor for her ear, her kindness and her humanity.
Estelle